what do u guys do when night came?
for me,
the night grows on me,
it remind me of how lonely i truly am..
it remind me of the emptiness that is inside me always,
never vanishing away..
always there..
at night,
i am alone..
i like the darkness that envelop me as night came,
for no one will know the look on my face..
no one will notice me..

what is happiness?
what does it mean to be happy?
will i not be lonely once i am happy?
or does it mean the same?
the hole in my heart..
will it ever mend?
i read it online before..
cant remember it clearly,
it says that i broken heart is like a broken mirror,
is no use fixing it when it can not be mend..
i wonder, if it is true?

my broken heart is always bleeding..
but no one knows..
in school,
act cheerful, act cute, be the stupid one
laugh, smile with the others,
but i know, i'm just acting
the hole cant be mend with these things..
so how can it be mend?

will anyone tell me that?
or will the days just pass just like this...

my new fake tattoo..

my new fake dragon tattoo...lol..
like it a lot..
wishing it was a real one.. =)

More troubles..

why..why..why..
why is there so much problems for my family..
why does the problems never seem to end nor cease..
why cant we have a breather...
why is there one problem after the other..

now..a letter is being send to our home..
saying that by 13 Nov if everything is not settled,
the HDB people will come and collect one of the flat...

know what i think..
how i wish that all those HDB people can all just go die..
why must they force us till the end of the road?
why cant they give us a path to walk on?
why must they be like this..
yes, government is big,
but so what?
without its people, can there be a government?

how can everything be done by 13 nov?
is just not possible..
and by sending us that letter, is it not just telling us to give up?
how i hate the HDB people...
and in the first place, it was not our fault to begin with
it was the stupid housing agent that did it..
it was him who did said our flat can be done and half way thru,
he say cannot..
then he just walk away as if this matter does not concern him a bit
it was HIM that we are in this situation right now,
so why doesn't the oh so clever HDB people go and find him?
we are just normal citizens, how the hell are we suppose to know all the rules and regulations?
and if a housing agent just walks off on us without telling us anything nor giving us any advice.
what are we suppose to do..
we cant do anything as we dont know anything and we dont know where to find the answers and the right people to do it..

so what does the HDB want us to do now?
all does that just want the flat and does not care if we are left out on the street and left to die?
will they only be happy if we die?
why cant they just give us a path to walk on and stop forcing us till the end of the road..
no one will gain anything from it..
because of this, my whole family especially my mum is so fan..
and if because of this, she becomes sick,
i can assured you that i will not let the HDB people off,
if i have the power and the means,
i will make their life HELL!

we are all humans, fellow humans who live in this country,
so why cant u HDB people just be more human?

Mangement Accounting

having management accounting lessons right now..
they are explaining those concepts..
but i am lost.
dun understand a single thing nor know what the hell are they talking about..
therefore,
when UT comes,
i guess i will just submit a blank sheet...

Troubles...

troubles are happening at home one after the other...
it just seems that our troubles are never-ending,
and always coming...
i always wonder, is it just my household that has so much problems or is it just me?
i don't know at all...

mum has been very worried about all these problems everyday...
always thinking about it and how it is going...
father always tell mum it will be okay and things like that..
but i can see that those troubles are always weighing on his mind too..
same as mum, he too is troubled by these troubles/problems...

for me, i wanted to share the same burden as them,
wants to lighten their load..
but is not possible for me..
still studying and does not have enough power to help them..
心有余而力不足 ah....
wanted to quit school and work and help
but family dun approve..
to me is like directly asking me to stand aside and let them the adults to solve it...
i dun like the feeling..
therefore, working part time..
自己养自己...
dun wanna place any more burden on them....
when holidays, work more,
have more salary...i give it to them..
wanting to lighten their weight....
therefore, when i work during holidays..
is like that's no tml...like what my friend told me..

but then again, i wanted to help,
but it just seems that there's a problem with me..
why do i say so...
it seems clear to me that i am not as worried as they are..
i wanted to share their burden but it seems i those troubles does not weigh on my mind as much as it did to them...
i do not know why...
so what should i do...
wanted to help..
but does not have enough power to do so...
to me, i want POWER,
the POWER to change everything...
but i guess, it wont happen..
just a naive thinking of mine....

has been planning to write since a long time ago, but never had the time
cause got UT and was engrossed in watching anime and reading manga..
haha...
anyway, i have also forgotten what i wanted to say..lol...

today, has CRM lesson..gotten a relief faci coz our faci go reservice..
thought was good coz i no nid get C from him anymore.
but now, i not so sure le..
this faci is boring and talks a lot..
so i am dead.i am not even talking lol..
haha..
maybe i will get another C from this faci lol..dots...

a new dilemma she has given me...

been quite some time since i last wrote here,
wanted to post the pictures that i taken with my friends..
but somehow, just can manage to put it up,
the problem does not lies with the phone nor the laptop,
it lies with me..
i do not knw why either,
it might just be because, i am too lazy to do it..
is one of the reasons i guess...
or maybe, i just does not want to put it up, just as simple as that...

a new school semester starts, and i have a bunch of new friends yet again..
this sem, i admit, i was different from the last few sem...
i did not emo, i talk, have fun and joke and play with them..
to me, i was like a completely different person.
i do not know why.
maybe the time has been long..
and i just wanted someone to take notice of me...
maybe yes, maybe no..
i no longer know who i am anymore..
what i wish for..

in the past and up till now,
i have always wish for an end to come soon..
all for the sake of a beloved person i love from deep within my heart..
but lately,
i am having dilemma of the "end" that i wanted..
the person i loved is the one who is giving me the dilemma,
the way she talks, the way she looks at me..
the way she talks bout the future as if i has already happen..
i does not want to break her heart anymore..

her heart is already fragile as it is...
i do not know,
if she could take another shock and lost the one thing that she wanted to depend on..
the "end" that i wanted, it might not come..
but at the same time, the promise that i make cannot be broken..
so when the time come for the "end",
what should i do to save her?

i do not care for what happen to me..
what i care the most is what happens to her...
what should i do...